Huffington Post senior editor Craig Kanalley went public over the weekend with his I-can’t-find-a-girlfriend problem in a Facebook post that Sports Illustrated’s Richard Deitsch called “the most honest thing I’ve read today.”
Kanalley told his Facebook friends and 131,268 subscribers that since moving to New York City in late 2009, he hasn’t had a serious relationship. “I’ve tried online dating sites, I’ve had some lunches/dinners/coffees, but nothing serious,” he wrote. “Nothing’s quite worked out.”
Sometimes I wonder if I’m just in the wrong place. I don’t want to be alone forever. And then I think maybe I’m not meant to live in New York City forever. …
What do folks make of my reflection? Any advice? I really would love to share in life with someone else, God-willing. I know I have a lot to offer someone else… and I really would love to chat, listen, laugh, have fun together, etc., and I’m willing to make sacrifices and compromises. Where do I start?
Nearly 500 people commented on Kanalley’s post. “Have you tried the young singles group at your church?” asked one woman. Another suggested: “Go grocery shopping on the way home between 4-7. Produce strikes the most conversations.”
One guy told the HuffPo editor: “Try not to be so nice and actually, try to be a tad selfish. Think of yourself and your job and you will be happy. When you’re happy by yourself is the only time you will be happy with another person.”
Kanalley answered some questions that I emailed him this morning.
Did you hesitate before putting it online, or are you a just-do-it! kind of guy?
I had to take a deep breath before I hit post, but not much hesitation. I don’t mind just putting myself out there and I’ve seen the Internet is a great place to hear different perspectives on just about any topic if you do so. Makes you think.
What kind of reaction did you expect it?
Of course, I knew negative comments, some nasty, would come about as the result of posting something like this publicly. That’s the trade-off. Still worth it in the end.
I especially got bombarded with comments when this guy [Tom Leykis] commented and many of his followers did too.
I’ve also done some social media experiments before, opening myself up and reminding people I’m a human being, not just a journalist, like this one where I gave out a phone number to reach me. And while there’s always some strange replies mixed in, there’s some really quality, interesting chats that can come about from that.
The best advice that’s come in?
These comments stood out to me:
Sara Abraham: Just listen to the MTA’s instructions “If you see something, say something” :)
Kree Cuthbert: If you’re interested in someone, pay her a compliment. Let it go from there. Go out on a limb. What do you have to lose? I told my bf I liked his beagle. ;)
Luis Garcia Craig: You dont need a relationship to validate your existance.
David Hoang: You are a great person and never underestimate the power of presence. Get out there and let people know that you can be a part of their life, whether it’s in a coffee shop, at the grocery store, whatever. Also, talk to EVERYBODY you encounter. You never know where that may lead.
And also these two stood out more I think because I know the people in real life:
Katrina Goldfried: I met, fell in love with and married my husband during my 7 years in NYC. If I can do it, you can. Just live your life, leave yourself open to new experiences and have faith the right person will come along. They will :)
Robert Quigley: It’s better to wait and find a good one than be in bad relationships. Don’t know if that’s any consolation, but it’s true.
How many women told you they want to meet you because of the post?
A handful of people reached out privately. A few women said they’d like to meet me but they don’t live in New York. A few others said they’d like to introduce me to someone they know. But that’s about it.
* “I’d like a girlfriend. …I don’t want to be alone forever” (facebook.com)